When Your Age, and Everyone Else’s, Is Showing

He Won’t Stay in His Lane

I am a 39-year-old woman and leader at my marketing firm and have a young, male direct report who is new, both at the company and in the work force. Last year, when my senior director position was listed, he applied to it having only two years’ experience, but impressed us during his interview.

Since being hired, he has rubbed everyone the wrong way by crossing lanes and overstepping boundaries. Just last week, he was giving “pointers” to some of our very seasoned directors, who in turn complained to me. When I nicely approach him about this behavior, he gets extremely defensive and lists off all the things he’s done well since he started here, seeking praise. If I tell him I’m too busy to meet, he asks me to include him in what I’m working on or says he thinks he should be in executive meetings with me, to which I say he’s not needed and am met with contention.

As a woman who’s been in this field for almost 20 years, it is maddening to have a young man audibly tell me and others he has ideas for how he would do our jobs better. H.R. is aware of his behavior but hasn’t taken action. So I have to ask, is there a professional way to tell someone they are too arrogant about their role within a company?

— Anonymous

There is ambition and there is arrogance, and it seems like your direct report has crossed that line. I’m all for collaborative work environments, mentoring younger colleagues, and encouraging people to pursue their ambitions for advancement. But sometimes, you have to remind people that they need to walk before they run, not because you want to hold them back, but because you want them to succeed.

Outsize confidence does not mean one is ready for certain tasks or roles. I can imagine how maddening it is to contend with this young upstart who is probably relying on a lot of the conventional wisdom about how to “succeed in business” by being brash and bold, but you have to take control of this situation. He works for you. If he doesn’t like being told no, and wants to get contentious about it, that’s a choice he is making. But you don’t have to baby him. If he wants to be a professional, treat him like one and address those instances when he doesn’t act like one.

Now, interesting ideas can come from all corners, so establish clear boundaries about when dialogue is welcome and when it is not appropriate. Remind him that part of being a good colleague is knowing how to accept criticism without needing affirmation or immediately refuting the feedback. He clearly has not yet learned enough about workplace norms. (That’s me giving him the benefit of the doubt.) I trust you can bring him up speed.

Major Trust Issues

I recently came back to work after a medical leave of absence, and upon my return our department implemented a new policy: Team members are required to share three things they’re working on via group chat, daily. When describing the new policy, upper management said it was “not big brother-ly but just a way to stay updated on the team’s projects.”

Before I left for leave, we had two weekly meetings for the team to share updates, and that seemed to work fine. This new policy feels like they don’t trust us, and it seems overkill to have to check in daily. Should I push back or capitulate?

— Anonymous

This kind of micromanaging is incredibly annoying. Your frustration is understandable. Managers may, indeed, want to stay well informed about projects — or they might be working through some control issues. Regardless, this is something you probably have to learn to live with.

I wouldn’t think of this new policy in terms of capitulation, and I don’t know that there’s much to push back on. The policy doesn’t sound too arduous. Corporations often create busywork for one reason or another, and maybe they don’t trust you, but why do you care? The job is not your friend. It will never love you. It is not capable of trusting you. If you absolutely feel the need to raise a concern, ask your manger why the department has this new policy or if the frequency could change — every other week or monthly, perhaps. I would also ask yourself why this policy is getting under your skin so much.